There was a great documentary a few years back about The Doors entitled "When You're Strange." Quite a rough and tumble life ol' Jim Morrison led there. 

But we know all that story. It's been told time and again. And that story always ends with Jim going to Paris. 

I'm producing a new documentary:

1971: Jim Morrison comes back from Paris. 

He informs his fellow Doors he's changed his mind and would like to make some extra money endorsing automobiles. Pontiac immediately begins airing "Light My Firebird" with shots of Morrison doing donuts in his Beverly Hills driveway. 

That success leads to another lucrative endorsement: The Doors re-record songs for Dunkin' Donuts including "Cruller King Snake," "Soul Munchkin" and "When the Music's Over (It's Time to Make the Donuts)." 

Morrison then signs on for several appearances on Animal Planet. Each week "The Lizard King" travels to a different exotic locale in search of the perfect lizards, gets drunk and eats them. 

After several years and several more endorsements, taunts of "Sell Out!" on the Internet reach a fever pitch. 

2013: Jim Morrison goes back to Paris.

                                                                                     ----- Ed Kaz!

Why thank you LinkedIn! I've never been more proud. Indeed, it was an incredible ten years wasn't it? Seems like it was only yesterday when I figured out what the hell LinkedIn actually is. 

Oh wait. That was yesterday. 

LinkedIn is some sort of Facebook/MySpace-ish thingy (only excruciatingly more difficult to navigate) where people you would avoid like herpes in the real world (VP Developmental Point of Sale Marketing Associate Vice President?) recommend you for your skills in PowerPoint. Really? I know PowerPoint? What the hell is PowerPoint?

So thanks again, LinkedIn. I look forward to another decade of useful personalized messages from folks with template descriptions including (but not limited to) "one-of-a-kind!" "dedicated" "detail-oriented business solutions!" Sorry, but I can't give you give you "ten seconds of my time" to leave you a "quick rating" because I'm not sure who you are or where the hell I should click.

                                                                   ---------- Ed Kaz

                                                                             ---- Ed Kaz

10. Empty pint container of Ben & Jerry's Marshmary Magdalene.

9.  Autographed photo of Mother Teresa.

8. "Exorcism for Dummies."

7. One red shoelace.

6. Old Testament Cliff Notes.

5. Pages torn from Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Theological Questions."

4. Unopened bottle of Grecian Formula.

3. Post-it Note containing a few proposed "extra-credit" commandments.

2. VHS of "Our Lady of Fatima vs Megalon."

1. The Holy Can Opener.

                                                                                 ----- Ed Kaz

 

AMALGAMATED PRESS:  Cupid has been arrested for having a blood chocolate count of 0.16 percent after his pink 1968 Dodge Dart was pulled over in a routine traffic check early this morning .   

An unregistered crossbow was also recovered at the scene.  

The cherubic love merchant's career has reportedly been in sharp decline in recent years; the result of the proliferation of Internet dating sites such as eHarmony and match.com.  

In an interview last year Eros, the suspect's father, stated that Cupid had been suffering from depression and was taking legally-prescribed Godiva.

More on this semisweet story as it develops.

                                                                      ------------- Ed Kaz

ARKANSAS (AP): Mary Lee Holmes, 47, of Grubbs reportedly became offended on New Year's Eve following the "improper antics of that Kathy Griffin woman with that nice pale man on the CNN." 

 

The Arkansas woman becomes the last person on Planet Earth to be offended by something. "All my friends just shrugged," said the Walmart cashier of the nationally televised faux fellatio, "but I was deeply offended." 

 

Ms. Griffin could not be reached for comment. "No need for her to comment," said a spokesperson for the red haired comedienne, "Her work is done here." The source went on to say Griffin was pinching his left buttock with a salad prong but no one seemed to notice or care.