IN THE NEWS:  Beach Boys to reunite for a Ronald Reagan tribute concert.

Talk about a dicey occasion for a Beach Boys reunion.  But let's face it:  They've made bizarre career choices their entire career, so why should this be any different?

I guess what I'm saying is this creeps me out.

At this late date do we even NEED a Beach Boys reunion?  Dennis and Carl Wilson are long gone, so what exactly is this?  It's Mike Love finally allowing Al Jardine back into the fold?  And as for Brian Wilson, he just shows up.   What about Bruce Johnston?  He’s always just happy to be there, happy to be anywhere.  I’d like to think that if Carl was still with us, he would conscientiously object.

Of course, we know The Beach Boys owe a certain "debt" to Reagan because he intervened and let them play on the Great Lawn when Interior Secretary James Watt thought they were an evil influence on youth. [pause for laughter]  The Gipper also pulled a few presidential strings and allowed them to legally toss Dennis' ashes into the ocean.  So you could say this is not a political statement, but one of friendship.

However this comes out,  I will not allow this “Reunion for Reagan” to trickle down and besmirch my love of Beach Boys music.   Remember, we looked the other way with Manson and Stamos, and this event actually pales in comparison.

In any event, I'll do what I always do:  Put on Pet Sounds and forget about everything.

                                                                                          ---- Ed Kaz

Attention Beatles Collectors!  Offered here for the first time ever is an extremely rare one-of-a-kind Beatles record.

Due to a very odd production error, a copy of the Count Basie Reprise LP "Pop Goes the Basie" has been altered to read "Pop All Beatles." 

But that's not all!

Inside the jacket is Disc 1 of The Beatles "White Album" containing your favorite hits by that cheeky English foursome, including the smash "Wild Honey Pie."

This item is rare!  So rare, in fact, that when I rang up Sotheby's they hung up on me.

The record is accompanied by a signed certificate of authenticity and as always, satisfaction guaranteed or your money back if you can find me.

Serious bidders only!

Minimum Bid:  $4,000.00 USD

Happy bidding for this unique Beatles collectible!

KAZ AUCTION PALACE AND NAILS

Currently located behind the tanning salon on Route 1, Edison NJ.

By Ed Kaz!
Amalgamated Press

DES MOINES IOWA - Kris Kringle, AKA "Santa Claus" is being held indefinitely at Des Moines International Airport after a TSA scan has revealed several cookies of a suspicious nature.

"We're not sure of the exact origin of these cookies," stated Ronald Fernandez, head of security for the airport,  "So we're going to have to hold this person until more information becomes available, or until he decides to share them with us." 

The cookies were discovered after an initial pat-down made a crumbly sound in Kringle's lower torso section.  The scan was then ordered and chocolate chips were revealed. 

TSA will continue to monitor the situation and update this information as necessary.

Dear God,

                                                             ---- Ed Kaz

Dr. Seuss. 

Yeah, yeah.  Sure, sure.  He helped millions of kids learn to read with his colorful tales of poetic whimsy.  But recently declassified files reveal that the good Dr. went through an extremely frustrating hit-or-miss process with his publishers before he was able to arrive at said whimsy.

[Drum Roll]

From the Home Office in Shell Pile New Jersey

TOP TEN REJECTED DR. SEUSS STORIES

10.  Yertle the Tax Accountant

9. The Stem Cell in the Hat

8. Green Eggs and Phlegm

7. I  was Kissed by a Tranny at the Zoo

6. One Fish Two Fish Red Buttons Blue Fish

5. Hop on Pop and Take All his Money (featuring Anna Nicole Smith)

4. Oh, the Places You'll Go! (if you can't find a rest room)

3. The 500 Toupees of Bartholomew Cubbins

2. Frat Brother Horton Snatches the Keg

AND THE NUMBER ONE REJECTED DR. SEUSS STORY:

1.  Fox with Smallpox

                                                             ----Ed Kaz !