So sad to learn of the passing of Andy Rooney this morning.  It made me suddenly recall my special encounter with the TV legend back in 2001.

I used to work for a show called "Iyanla."  Their office was located directly above the 60 Minutes offices on 57th Street.  One crisp September morning as I walked toward the building I spied a small camera crew.  Curious, I moved closer and spotted a small man at the center of the activity. It was Andy Rooney, interviewing passers-by. His idea of a remote shoot was to place one foot out the door.

Rooney looked up at me and inquired, "When was the last time you took a bath?"  The camera and boom mic swung quickly in my direction.  

"I took a shower this morning." 

His eyebrows straightened resolutely. "No. A BATH."

At that moment my TV instincts kicked in.  The fact that I've been editing TV for over ten years at that point certainly helped. 

Oh!  I know what he's looking for.

I looked directly into his eyes and said, "Last bath I had, I was about seven years old.  My mother gave it to me before church."

Then I took a TV pause, and delivered the line I knew Rooney wanted:

"I HATE baths."

With that, he smiled widely. "Thank you!  We got it!"  The crew immediately shut down their equipment and a very happy Andy Rooney almost skipped with delight back into the warm lobby.

Sure enough, about two weeks later I tuned in 60 Minutes and there he was, whining his trademark whine.  Bath-taking versus shower-taking.  Standard-issue Andy.

"We went out and asked people if they take baths."

The montage of bites ran by, and of course, I was granted the punchline:  "I HATE baths."

Cut back to Andy and off he went.

I'm so proud I seized my moment and was, for a few fleeting seconds, a contributor to 60 Minutes. 

I'm also happy I gave Andy Rooney what he needed so he could get the hell back into his office and finish his coffee.

#andyrooney

                                                                               ----- Ed Kaz

 Gotta give those folks at Kelloggs and General Foods credit. They're always trying to come up with great new breakfast cereals for the world to enjoy. 

Sometimes though, they don't quite hit the mark.

From the Home Office in Shell Pile New Jersey...

TOP TEN PROPOSED AND REJECTED BREAKFAST CEREALS:

[Drum Roll]

10. Beerios

9. Frosted Asbestos Wheats

8. Tobacco Puffs

7. Rice Whiskies

6. Snotty Pebbles

5. Feeties

4. Lucky Worms

3. Prune Loops

2. Postal Toasties

AND THE NUMBER ONE PROPOSED AND REJECTED BREAKFAST CEREAL:

1. Router Bits

                                                                              ---- Ed Kaz

Well, I figured I'd better type some sort of thing in here so that Xanga knows I'm still in existence.  I remember when blogging was part of my daily routine. Those were the days my friend.  Then I got busy.  WAY busy.  Too busy to even tweet.  OK, I tweet, but I don't use all the characters, that would be excessive.

Anyway, I love you guys.  See ya soon!

Peace
Kaz

NEW YORK--Abe Vigoda, the actor whose career ranged from The Godfather to Barney Miller, has been discovered alive in his Upper-East Side apartment this morning.   According to AP, at 8:31 am, Vigoda’s body was found breathing, sitting up, eating a spinach knish, and watching ESPN.

A source close to the actor says no service is planned.  The source quotes Vigoda as saying, “Because I’m still f**king alive! Can I finish my f**cking knish now?”

I played hooky from work Thursday. 

It was the perfect opportunity for me to take off in my car and visit some of my favorite Monmouth County haunts.  A place that I absolutely love is Englishtown Antiques.  Formerly a supermarket, it's now filled top to bottom with old furniture, magazines, records, dishes, vintage clothing and bric a brac of every kind.  Englishtown Antiques is the kind of place where you have to be careful what you touch or you'll cause an avalanche.  In other words, my kind of place.

As I carefully made my way down the aisles I came across an old Colorforms set (Remember Colorforms?  Do they even still make them?).  When I opened the box there was a wonderful image inside--an image that was just begging to be altered to suit my own sinister comedic purposes. 

STEP ONE: 

Here's how it looked in its raw state. 
Since I had to shoot it on the sly I was unable
to lose the glare from the overhead fluorescent. 
No problem!  I'll just "fix it in post" as we say in the biz.

STEP TWO: 

In Photoshop I was able to replace the glare with
samples of color from other parts of the picture.
It's not perfect, but who needs perfection when
you're just havin' fun?  Right?

STEP THREE: 

Next I took my airbrush tool and got rid of
the words "LIFT HERE."  I think The Mouse
had something else to say.

STEP FOUR: 

Bad Mickey!  Jesus. How does Minnie put up
with this over-medicated rodent anyway?

STEP FIVE: 

Dear Ed Kaz:

It has come to our attention that you have made an unauthorized use of our
copyrighted work entitled "Mickey Mouse." 

We believe you have willfully infringed our rights under 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq.
and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $150,000 as set forth in Section 504(c)(2) therein.

We demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of all infringing works, and all copies, including electronic copies, of same, that you deliver to us, if applicable, all unused, undistributed copies of same, or destroy such copies immediately and that you desist from this or any other infringement of our rights in the future. If we have not received an affirmative response from you by May 14, 2007 indicating that you have fully complied with these requirements, we shall take further action against you.

Very truly yours,

The Walt Disney Company

Wow.  I guess it is a small world after all ...

                                                            ----- Ed Kaz

Clarence Clemons: Great guy (I know...No kidding).

One of my fondest memories of him is from 1982:  I was chatting with Clemons at Big Man's West (his nightclub in Red Bank New Jersey). He was telling me how proud he was of the new rest rooms they put in.  That's how down to Earth the guy was.  Greeted everyone with a smile.  Played the MOST KILLER sets with CC and the Red Bank Rockers.  Closest I'd ever come to experiencing a full-on Otis Redding-style soul revue.

Hey Saint Peter!

Open up those gates WIDE. 

Make way for THE BIG MAN.

                                                                                       ----Ed Kaz

ANTHONY WEINER ANNOUNCES NEW POLITICAL PARTY
Says his recent penis-tweeting was just  “part of the announcement.” Declares scandal "OVER!"

By Ed Kaz / Amalgamated Press

[NEW YORK CITY] In a press conference yesterday at the New York Hilton, Brooklyn Queens representative Anthony Weiner announced that he is exiting the Democratic Party in order to form the new  American Penis-Tweet Party.  “It is important, né essential, that all male Americans have their penis tweeted on a regular basis.” Weiner went on to note that anyone receiving a penis-tweet should examine the penis carefully to determine any abnormalities.  “The penis has never had a political voice and needs to be heard and seen," asserted the representative, "It cannot be held down any longer.”

When asked about his own penis-tweets of last month,  Weiner called them “premature” and that he had meant to tweet them after the announcement of the new party.  “Bad timing, pure and simple; they came too early,” said the representative, standing straight and resolute at his podium.  “It was a clerical mix up. My penis-tweet was to occur afterward.  Boy I'm sure glad we cleared this up.  SCANDAL OVER!

Weiner closed out the conference by saying his new American Penis-Tweet Party is for those Americans who feel disenchanted and "limp" from all  the Tea Party’s rhetoric.  “I call on all Americans to join The American Penis-Tweet Party.  Stand tall and be counted.  God Bless America.”

                                                                                          ----- Ed Kaz

I love Chinese restaurants.
They know why you come there, and it's certainly not for the decor.

The temperature is generally 120 degrees year round, but its OK because there's always a huge fan blowing napkins and straws and unknown particles everywhere.   Recipes are stuck to benches with sweet and sour sauce and there are always two little kids with a stack of books, playing video games at a table.   Newspapers are provided while you wait (in Mandarin Chinese; that's the easier one). The ordering microphone is set to 8,000 decibels and the cooks are two feet behind her.

After about a three-and-a-half minute wait, the order is shoved into your hands, stapled in a tight brown bag. You then stumble over the other patrons and the video game kids, step around the fan, unstick your foot from the sweet and sour sauce packet on the floor, and look at your receipt: 

"THANK YOU.  HAPPY UTOPIA FUN PALACE"

                                                                                 --- Ed Kaz

Another KAZ-O-VISION® World Xanga Premiere!