Tuesday's Trane
scattered every direction
dissonance
one difference
no drummer
to
catch
me
if
I
fall
                     ---Ed Kaz

UTENSIL REVIEW Gorham "Melon Bud" Dinner Fork

This is a very useful item.

For years and years I would use my fingers to eat.  Now, thanks to this fabulous invention called "The Fork," you are now able to eat and not get stuff on your hands.

BUYER BEWARE:  If you are purchasing this product to eat soup then you will be disappointed.  However, I have heard that they will be coming out with something to solve the soup problem in the near future.

Until then, stick a fork in it!
 
                                                                        ----Ed Kaz
                               
Currently Eating With

     
This holiday season, may all your fabrics be softened.

Love,
Ed Kaz

KAZ-O-VISION® traveled to New York City's famous Union Square to pick up some surplus Santas for the holidays.

Filmed in KAZ-O-VISION®
"Dark and Snowy"

Each year the New Jersey Public Interest Research Group citizen lobby releases a list of dangerous toys to avoid while Christmas shopping.

But they overlooked a few...

Here's a list of other toys I firmly believe should be recalled immediately by their manufacturers:

1. Sing 'n' Snore Keith Richards
2. Fisher-Price My First Choking Hazard
3. Head Lice Farm
4. Milton Bradley Burl Ives Autopsy Game
5. Kenner Give a Peep Show Projector
6. Mr. Geraldo Head
7. Nerf AK-47 Assault Rifle
8. Airsick Stewardess Barbie
9. Bitter Has-Been Unemployed Mutant Ninja Turtles
10. Hasbro Anatomically Correct Kid Rock Doll

This has been a public service from Ed Kaz.

Enchantment comes to mind...

Last night.  Last night.  What was last night? 

Office Christmas party was last night. 

Now it's 7:30 AM I'm already back at work.  What happened at the office party last night?  Well, I'll just have to leave it to your imagination.  But hopefully this record from my 45 box will assist you in creating a mental music video of last night...

DIRECTIONS: PLAY LOUD!

                                                                ----Ed Kaz

From 2006

New York City's the place where...

On Sunday afternoon I was strolling through the streets of SoHo taking in a gallery or two just minding my own business when I heard someone call out my name. 

"Mr. Kaz?  Hi.  It's really nice to meet you.  I'm a big fan of your blog.  My name is Lou Reed."

Puzzled, I said what anyone would have said in an awkward situation such as this: 

"Refresh my memory."

"You know, Lou Reed.  I was in The Velvet Underground musical group."

"Oh, you made that album nobody bought when it came out yet supposedly..."

"...influenced every band that came after. Yes. That's us!"  His eyes brightened.

There was always something about that album that didn't sit quite right with me;  I decided that now was the time to speak up.

"The record had a banana on the cover. Right?" I said sternly, "And yet there was not one blessed song about a banana."

Reed looked downward.  "Yeah, well," he said, with a voice reduced to a whisper,  "I wanted some banana songs, but I got outvoted.  Sorry I guess."

I admonished him further.  "Woulda sold more records if you had some songs about bananas on there, Lou.  I'm just sayin.'"

I could tell from the sorrowful look on Reed's face that I shouldn't be pressing this particular point.  He politely asked if he could get a picture with me.  I quickly agreed, and the mood lightened.  After exchanging a few pleasantries, Reed and I shook hands and went our separate ways.

Just another boring Sunday in New York City...

                                                                        ---- Ed Kaz

The reason I love to arrive in to Manhattan at the crack of dawn:  The atmosphere. 

My bus wheezes into the terminal at 6:35.  I shamble down Eighth Avenue.  The cityscape is cold, muted and shadowy;  busy deli-workers in hazy windows, bemused street sweepers, and two or three late-night revelers who've lost track of time and direction. 

Further along I pass porn stores, two cops sharing a secret, sleepy working men ablaze in union insignia, a ghost-sign on a brick building reading Hotel Irvin Rooms from $2.50,  homeless men huddled under blankets and cardboard and yesterday's Wall Street Journal.   A young man with a mohawk haircut pulls an alto sax out of a bag and carefully places a plaid hat on the icy sidewalk.  Taxi-drivers sit listlessly amidst blue fumes pondering The Meaning.

It's a real life film noir in progress. 
I'm careful not to disturb it. 
I move quickly into my building and hit number twelve.

                                                                 ----Ed Kaz

Christmas in the Grunge Era.

                                                              ----Ed Kaz