July 31, 2009

  • ... some kind of monster gel taking over the world."

    Here's my column from Friday's Asbury Park Press:

    Now THAT’S Italian!
     
    By Ed Kaz !
    Comedy Correspondent
     
    Dom Irrera has been in the comedy biz for almost thirty years and he’s grateful for the work. 

    The main reason? 

    “I have no skills,” said the Philly native in a phone conversation last week, “I have the softest hands of any man that ever lived.  So basically, if I couldn’t do stand up I would’ve been dead in the water.”  

    Irrera brings those soft hands to the microphone at the Count Basie Theater Saturday night     where he performs as one-third of the “Italian Laugh Pack.”   

    KAZ!:  You’re playing with a couple of Italians at the Count Basie Theatre.

    IRRERA:  I know.  Is there any more Italian name than Pat Cooper?

    KAZ!:  The Italian culture is so pervasive in New Jersey that I don’t think you even have to be Italian to appreciate the humor.

    IRRERA:  Well first of all, I don’t like the way you say the word “pervasive” like it’s some kind of monster gel taking over the world. I think that you definitely don’t have to be Italian to get this show.  There was an old comedian named Red Buttons who helped me a lot and he said “Don’t be an Italian comedian. Be a comedian who happens to be Italian.”  Because I’m always gonna be Italian.  But it doesn’t mean every sentence is gonna be about being Italian.  But yeah, definitely, the Yugoslavians, the Albanians will love the show.  

    KAZ!:  Tell me about the other folks on the bill.

    IRRERA:  Pat Cooper, one of the greatest. You know what I like about Pat Cooper?  Not only do I think he’s a brilliant comedian but he’s direct proof that stress does not necessarily kill.  I’ve never seen a guy who gets more upset so much, and the more he gets upset the funnier he is and he’s still alive and doing great.  And Tammy Pescatelli was on Last Comic Standing and we worked together for several years and she’s terrific and it’s good to see a woman who actually writes material and doesn’t complain about why women can’t be comics when she actually is one.  

    KAZ!:  Is this a whole tour?

    IRRERA:  No, but we have three shows on the schedule.  We’re doing that one, we’re doing Staten Island, we’re doing something in Morristown.  

    KAZ!:  Oh all right.  So you guys don’t have to travel on a bus or anything.  

    IRRERA:  No, no.

    KAZ!:  But wouldn’t that be something?

    IRRERA:  That would be really nice.  That would be nice for about thirty-forty minutes.

    ----------------------------------------

    Have a great weekend and please remember to laugh responsibly.

    AsburyKaz@aol.com
     

    THE ITALIAN LAUGH PACK
    Starring: Pat Cooper, Dom Irrera & Tammy Pescatelli
    Saturday Night
    Count Basie Theatre,
    99 Monmouth Street Red Bank
    Showtime: 8pm
    Tickets: $49.50, $39.50, $29.50, $19.50
    Call: (732)-842-9000
    www.countbasietheatre.org

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

July 30, 2009

  • The Wicker Picker Upper

    Last Saturday I felt lazy, so  I wandered across the street to have coffee with the neighbors who were in the midst of a garage sale.  They had it all:  baby stuff, quilts, old shoes, lamps without shades, more baby stuff,  and a whole lotta wicker goin' on. 

     
    Personally, I never understood America's fascination with wicker;  it's too darn stiff and I never got used to that godawful crunch sound every time I sit in a wicker chair (furniture shouldn't be "extra crispy").  Other people like wicker, however.  In fact, the neighbor-lady up the road LOVES wicker.  When she pulled up to the driveway in her SUV, I saw her eyes lit up.  She was gazing upon the wicker that dreams are made of:  A giant "Morticia Addams" chair and a bench to go along with it.  The price?  Twenty bucks, but since she was a neighbor an' all, she got the whole kit-and-kaboodle for two.
     
    Then came the dilemma.
     
    She couldn't fit her newly-purchased wicker in her SUV.  That's when Good Samaritan Me stepped up.   Feeling right neighborly, I announced, "No problem!  Let me carry them over to your house for you."   The neighbor-lady smiled, "You will?  That's great!  And listen, you don't even have to come up the road.  Bring it through the woods.  Just cut through that yard and find the path and then go across the field and you'll find my backyard."  Then she peeled out, leaving me in a cloud of SUV dust.
     
    So there I was, grappling with two giant pieces of wicker with loose wicker-sticks jutting out at dangerous angles, finding their way into my sensitive body parts.  As I cut through someone's yard I couldn't help but notice the big chain link fence with the words BEWARE OF DOG prominently displayed.  Deciding not to test the validity of the sign, I took an even firmer grip of the wicker and moved even faster. 
     
    Navigating this unwieldy crap through the dense forest, I began to feel a bit like an Appalachian (if Appalachians had wicker).  Branches were smacking me in the face, almost knocking my glasses off.  Briars and potential poison-ivy abounded.  There were random pieces of wood lying around, full of nails and tetanus.  I narrowly missed a few sinkholes.  I wondered if I would arrive alive.  
     
    Finally, there was a clearing.  It was the neighbor-lady's house.  I made it, and with only a few cuts and a pair of muddy sneakers.  
     
    The neighbor-lady happily snatched the wicker from my hands and rewarded me for my efforts by giving me a large unmarked bag of tortilla chips (which is why the wicker couldn't fit in the SUV in the first place; there were four giant crates of unmarked tortilla chips in the back).  In the olden days I would have been given a plucked chicken or a freshly baked pie, but these are different times, my friend.  All I got was a large unmarked bag of tortilla chips. 
     
    Anybody got salsa?

                                                                                                  ---- Ed Kaz

July 27, 2009

July 23, 2009

July 21, 2009

  • LUNARCY by Ed Kaz

    Ever get a song stuck in your head and you just can't get rid of it? Yeah, I know. Me too. And it's always something very lame like Shania Twain or Billy Joel.


    This made me wonder: What would have happened if Neil Armstrong had a song stuck in his head during that Exact Moment?

    It might have gone something like this:

    109:24:13

    Armstrong:  I'm going to step off the LM now. (Long Pause)

    109:24:48

    Armstrong:  That's one small step for a man; one....less bell to answer, one less egg to fr....(Long Pause)

    109:25:01

    Armstrong:  Houston can I have a do-over? (Long Pause)

                                                                                 ------- Ed Kaz


July 10, 2009

  • "...it's like having home court advantage."

    From Friday's Asbury Park Press....

    THE DEVIL YOU SAY!

    By Ed Kaz !
    Comedy Correspondent

    Jersey born and bred Kyle Grooms knows all about The Jersey Devil: "He had a long reptilian body, wings, and a face like a horse." In other words, according to Grooms,  "He looked like Flavor Flav."  More astounding facts can be found on his latest CD, aptly titled. "The Legend of the Jersey Devil," available on iTunes.  Expect an education--Jersey-style--when Grooms approaches the lectern at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick this weekend.

    KAZ!:  Kyle!  How did attending high school in Perth Amboy help to shape your comic sensibilities?

    GROOMS:   I went to school with a lot of funny people and comedy was part of the high school culture.  I hung  with a group of guys and that's all we did was crack jokes on each other constantly, everyday, all day.

    KAZ!:  How would you best describe your comic style?

    GROOMS:   My comedy is real, and I like to make you laugh and think. Some people call it smart.

    KAZ!:  Now that we have an African American president, do white people look at you differently?

    GROOMS:   I don't know if they look at me different but America feels a little different;  it's like we called a truce. And some white people are proud to let me know that they voted for Obama.

    KAZ!:  What was the worst gig you ever had?

    GROOMS:   I once performed during a blackout.  A thunder storm knocked out all of the power in the comedy club except the flood lights. I had no mic and it was hot as hell, but I made it work. and the crowd was supportive.

    KAZ!:  What was the best gig you ever had?

    GROOMS:   I've had a lot of great gigs,  but my all time favorite has got to be Stockholm Sweden.  They show so much love overseas because comedy is a new thing for them.

    KAZ!:  What's the last thing that passes through your mind before you go on stage?

    GROOMS:   I just try to calm down, be in the moment and remind myself that I am funny.

    KAZ!:  Addams Family or Munsters?

    GROOMS:   Funny you ask.  I was just watching the Addams Family this weekend, [laughs] but I prefer the Munsters.

    KAZ!:  How excited are you that you are playing in New Brunswick, New Jersey?

    GROOMS:   I'm very exited because it's like having home court advantage. A lot of my friends and family will be there to support and it's also my birthday weekend.

     ----------------

    Have a great weekend and please remember to laugh responsibly.

    AsburyKaz@aol.com

    www.edkaz.com



    KYLE GROOMS
    Tonight, Saturday, Sunday
    Stress Factory Comedy Club
    90 Church St. New Brunswick
    Showtimes 8PM & 10:30 Sunday 8 PM only
    Tickets: $15
    Reservations:
    (732)-545-4242
     

July 9, 2009

July 8, 2009

July 3, 2009

  • "...fat swarthy guys?"

    Please enjoy my comedy column from Friday's Asbury Park Press...

    OUT OF THE WOODS
    By Ed Kaz !
    Comedy Correspondent

    Joe DeRosa remembers his worst gig well.  I mean, who wouldn't? 

    "Performing at the Insane Clown Posse's 'Gathering of the Juggaloos,' which is their little music festival gathering," recalled the Philadelphia native funny man with a shudder in his voice, "I was in the middle of nowhere in the woods. No security.  Nothing.  Being screamed at and booed by an entire group of people that were all dressed up like clowns and were well into the use of certain substances."   Sensing his anxiety, I quickly decided to shift my interview toward one of DeRosa's more friendly and nurturing experiences:  His Comedy Central Presents television special.

    KAZ!:  I'd imagine doing your stand up on TV can be pretty nerve-wracking because you don't have the same control over things.

    DeROSA:    It was actually pretty relaxed, the environment, which was surprising, because yeah, you would think that when you're doing anything on television especially something of a little more magnitude like that, that it would be nerve-wracking, but it really wasn't.   The company who produce the shows, everybody there was very nurturing.   They really did their utmost to make you feel completely relaxed and poised and ready to do what you needed to do.  That helps. 
     
    KAZ!:  Yeah, because I can imagine the last thing you need is a guy with a clipboard going     "Hold on a second!  Deliver that line to camera two this time!"

    DeROSA:  There's none of that.  They're very well prepared as far as "What are you gonna do in your act?  Do you have any body act-outs or things you do with your hands that we need to know about so we can see it so we're where we need to be?"  Especially when you have thirty or thirty-five minutes to sort of do whatever you want and they cut it down to twenty-two or whatever, but when you have more time it's a lot easier.  The stressful ones are the four minute jobs where you have to go out and nail it and if you don't hit the ground running you start to sink.

    KAZ!:  You have to be more precise.  On TV you can be a little bit loose and get away with it.  You deliver a line and when they edit they always cut to that one hot blonde laughing.  I guess when comedians watch the cutaways they're like, "Wow!  The chicks love me!"

    DeROSA:  [laughs]  I don't think they cut away to a lot of chicks during mine.  I don't remember seeing that, thinking that, so.  I'm really not a "young-hot-chicks-love-me" comic.

    KAZ!:  Do you attract the fat swarthy guys?

    DeROSA:  I'm more of a "fat-guy-that-works-in-the-factory loves me."  I get that demographic.

    ----------------

    Have a great weekend and please remember to laugh responsibly.

    AsburyKaz@aol.com

    www.edkaz.com


    Joe DeRosa
    Friday Night     (July 3rd 2009)
    Stress Factory Comedy Club
    90 Church St. New Brunswick
    Showtimes 8 & 10:30
    Tickets: $15
    Reservations:
    (732)-545-4242
     ****************************************

July 2, 2009

  • Shallow Thoughts by Ed Kaz

    I wonder why hardly anyone ever skips to my Lou anymore.

    Maybe Lou filed a complaint?

                                                   ------ Ed Kaz