January 2, 2010

• "...a really big rocket ship."

  From Friday's Asbury Park Press

  BYE BYE '09
  By Ed Kaz !
  Comedy Correspondent

  Sick of all those lengthy lists looking back at the last year? Well, dear reader, be sick no more. Here's the only list you'll ever need to encapsulate all things notable in '09.

  TOP 10 NOTABLE EVENTS OF 2009:

  10. Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat goes out on tour, outdrawing Bon Jovi. A nervous Richie Sambora is spotted at Freehold Mall pricing fedoras.

  9.Just in time for the chilly disease season, a new TV infomercial debuts the Haz-Mat Snuggie.

  8.Oscar Meyer passes away. Memorial service held at the Los Angeles Staples Center concession stand.

  7.President Obama holds historic "Beer Summit'' with Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Police Sgt. James Crowley.  Afterward, Air Force One is pulled over for swerving.

  6. Bob Dylan is spotted wandering around a Long Branch neighborhood. Instead of calling the cops, locals seize the opportunity to demand refunds from his "Masked and Anonymous'' movie.

  5. NASA blows up the moon and finds the contents of Al Capone's vault.

  4. Campbell's, in an attempt to be more relevant to the online generation, introduces Spaghetti-LOLs.

  3. Bruce Springsteen turns 60. He decides to hook his stage lights up to a Clapper. He quickly abandons the idea after Giants Stadium blows a fuse and plunges half of New Jersey into darkness.

  2. NASA discovers water on the moon. Poland Spring builds a really big rocket ship.

  And the #1 NOTABLE EVENT OF 2009:

  1. Golf course groundhog emerges early and sees his shadow; Tiger Woods jokes will continue for six more weeks.
  

                                                                                            --- Ed Kaz !
  

  • 8:31 am
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