March 4, 2009
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Meet the old boss; same as the old boss
I'd like to take a moment to discuss a certain interesting human phenomenon known as The Drunk Dial.I received one of those last night. It was an old boss of mine. Phone rang at around 12:30 AM.
"ED! It's [name withheld]!"
He said he he needed help. I left that line alone.
I think what he was trying to say was the he was looking for an editor, but he was also trying to tell me that, A) he has a nine-year old kid. "Did you know I have a nine-year-old kid?" I knew. B) still makes love to his wife "once in a while" and C) still owes mega-money from the bankruptcy of his company and D) he quit smoking pot and E) "DO YOU WANT TO WORK?"
This was one of the best drunk dials I've received in quite a while. I was able to keep the slurred verbal exchange interesting by deftly changing subjects and keeping him off-balance. The key here is to stay on the offense; don't let him work you in a corner with personal assaults. Remember, HE'S the drunk. Boy do I wish I was rolling tape on this.
And man, I thought this call was going to go on forever. Topics ran the gamut from professional ("I'm working for two Chinese guys."), to the personal ("Do your kids LIKE you? I mean really LIKE you?").
Normally I don't suffer drunks gladly, but since this was over the phone and I had nothing better to do at 12:30 AM, I found myself almost enjoying it.
The call came to a quick conclusion; my cordless made the decision for me.
"Hey my phone is dying, man. I'm gonna get cut off. I don't want you to think I'm hanging up on you."
"Yeah yeah F you."CLICK
Boy, I wonder who he called next.
Hey, maybe I should give him your number.Need work?
----Ed Kaz
Comments (24)
Hey...at least you were the dialEE and not the dialER.
I had the drunk calls-they are the worst. If you're nice they still say F you
@jillcarmel - But Jill, I heard that even sober folks say that to you.
haha hilarious. i had a guy drunk dial me once to tell me he learned in neuroscience class that drinking kills brain cells.
also i like the title/ re-wording of The Who song.
RYC: Damn right.
@nine0five - Thanks NineO. Yes I'm a big fan of clever titlery.
Was that you I called? Damn, I really was drunk.
@doahsdeer - Yes. And you made some promises that I seriously doubt you can keep.
@Ed_Kaz - Not without a paternity test and a court order.
@Ed_Kaz -F_______ you! lol lol
You have an amazing knack for messing with people's minds!
Friends of mine have a drunk dial line that is recorded and put online for our amusement. I have not called it but have enjoyed listening from time to time.
If you give me your number I will call you drunk and let you talk.
Well, that's the last time I call YOU when I'm drunk. Sorry about the f you . . . old habits, you know. . .
@flatpick46 - Sorry Flat, can't hear you my battery is going de... CLICK
@Boowasborn - Wow Boo. I've heard of happy drunks but not considerate ones.
@adventofreason - It's OK. Let's face it; we do have a checkered past.
This is true, but don't you find vertical stripes to be much more slimming?
oh, wait . . . you said PAST, not PANTS. Nevermind.
@Ed_Kaz - I hate it when that happens.
@adventofreason - Ba dum bum!
Lol That's beautiful.
Ugh. I have a brother who calls when drunk, usually after 2am (after the bar closes)... "F You" included... I mess with his mind as much as possible and then hang up. Or pretend to fall asleep and fake-snore into the phone until he hangs up.
OMG I used to be the dialer when I was much younger. And never remembered the details of the calls. But it was usually to old beaus. Another reason I quit drinking altogether.
That's an absolutely GREAT story!
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