March 1, 2009
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Hold for God please.
The other day I made a joke in my Facebook status update:
Ed just prayed and found out that God has been outsourced: “Good day sir. This is ‘Jesus’ and how may I save you today?”
Pretty funny, I thought. You know, folks mildly chuckled.A little later I figured what the heck, I’ll also add it to my MySpace status.
Almost immediately this message arrived from someone we'll call "Barb":
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Ed
I do find that extremely offensive...making jokes about my Lord and Savior. I would not take that so lightly if I were you.
Barb
------Huh?
Wait a second.
First of all Barb, I’m not sure that God is even ON MySpace anymore so He probably didn’t even see it. He’s no doubt on Facebook or Twitter if He’s anywhere. Come to think of it, we're talking about God here and God's everywhere, right? And besides, I really don't think God cares to keep up with everyone's mostly boring status updates anyway.
Second of all, since when can’t I “make jokes” about God? Anyone who reads the Bible knows that Jesus had quite a zesty sense of humor. I mean, picture yourself at that wedding in Cana. Jesus was there as a guest, and he was going around turning water into wine. That’s hilarious. And let’s say one day you’re out on the beach at the Sea of Galilee. All of a sudden your buddy comes running over yelling, “Check out the George Harrison-lookin’ dude in the sandals! He’s totally WALKING ON THE WATER!” Tell me that’s not funny, Barb! Even Gallagher wishes he could've pulled that one off. You know you'd be grabbing your cell phone and angling for a pic to send to your girlfriend: OMG THIS IS FUNNY CHECK THIS OUT
So, yeah. I did a joke about God being outsourced and Jesus being replaced by a guy in Bangalore attempting to save your soul while reading a prompt. And you know what Barb? The more I think about it, the more I think that it's not so much a joke as it is something really practical.
So Barb? I suggest you not worry about my jokes. Maybe tonight you should give God a call.
Need that number?
------ Ed Kaz
Comments (27)
LOL...she probably does need his number.
Awesome post
I am pretty sure God, and Jesus, have a great sense of humor. There is evidence everywhere....
But I don't get how she knew it was her lord and savior. I mean it's not like they come with bar codes to id each one.
Of all the things people choose to take, offense is the one that seems most popular.
@Boowasborn - ha ha ha ha ha !!!! You are brilliantly awesome boo. (I guess because you agree with me)
@Ed_Kaz - Things changed pretty quickly don't you think? I mean in the 1980s and before (not back to "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God though) religious folks were kind of private about things and attackers were out of the norm. I hate sounding old but back then religious people in America seemed all about, you know, love and stuff. Now they seem about selling stuff, politics and taking offense. Oh yeah and praying. People in my family used to pray for others to be blessed, now people openly pray for ther people to change who they are.
I don't know if we agree on all that I just wrote, but I wonder, if it could change that quickly into something so negative, could it change again just as quickly into something more productive.
Wow. I wasn't funny at all. I am so sorry! I do have some sound effects going down if that helps.
Oh, I wanted to tell you something funny I heard on the TV. It was a commercial for a pill called AciPhex. I wasn't watching but it is pronounced: "assefffects." I do not know if it is for the bowels or the bum, but it really should be.
I might label my current sound effects as AciPhex, but that would be unladylike and I would not want you to take offense.
@Boowasborn - I know. I was raised in a religious family and I *got* the message. And I take those concepts out into my non-religious lifestyle. I'm tolerant of folks who are *different* than I. (or is it me?) Anyway...basically, if someone sucks then I ignore them. Why waste time being offended by someone when there is another someone who won't offend me? There's room for all of us on the big ol' crazy ball. Right? Did you really tuck your dress into your panty hose? That's hot.
876-5309eeee9999...Jenny, if I he doesn't answer his maid will pick up the message.
you go girl!
@Ed_Kaz - If that is hot, then I am and likely always will be . . . needing an extinguisher.
@Boowasborn - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
lol! I think you have a pretty *zesty* sense of humor, too!
And about the advertised drug thing:
I thought the same thing about AssEffects too. And then there's a drug called Abilify, which, when I first heard it, I thought it was EVIL-IFY Hmmmm...Maybe that's how things went negative so fast - the wrong people saw the ad, asked their doctor for a free sample and, you know...the rest was history. It was probably in the 'common side effects' part of the commercial (you know...sudden urge to gamble, loose bowels, sleep walking and eating up everything in the 'fridge without ever realizing it, heart attack, death and being really cranky about not-pc jokes.)
My favorite joke of Jesus' is when people ask him about clean and unclean food and he replies, "it's not what goes in that's unclean" implying it's rather what comes out! (i know he's talking about words coming out of mouths not poop but still... it could be a poop joke, who knows?)
Some people take God a lot more seriously than others.. why? I couldn't tell you, but I imagine they are the kind who weren't allowed their turn in the "free will" line at the party (tough parents). Or else they're just chicken-shit. For some people, the only joy in this world is the assurance they won't burn and suffer for eternity in hell. God is the ultimate gangster. You are the ultimate jokester. Whosoever is susceptible to God, may NOT make fun of him. God can't take a joke.
I was gonna say, "That's what you get for having a Facebook. I stick to Xanga," but then I realized Xanga has its own full share of Barbs, so many that I get tired of throwing barbs at all the Barbs.
hilarious.
i feel that god is probably not so into social networking sites
Dude, you totally need to read "Lamb" by Christopher Moore. One of you was channeling the other when this was written. I promise, you will laugh. As for Barb (not her real name), meh, God has a great sense of humor. "Barb" is proof of that, wouldn't you say?
Don't fear the Jihad.
First God, then Muhammad!!
@royal_diadem - Indeed. Jesus and Butthead I think.
it sounds like she has threatened you
@jillcarmel - Take care of that for me. Thanks.
@Ed_Kaz - I will
@jillcarmel - tx
I'm all over it like a jumpsuit on Elvis
The Jesus I know had a hardy laugh and a twinkle in his eye. He would never have attracted a crowd if he went around with a hang-dog expression on his face all the time.
Ed, go over to my site and look at my new headshots...Tell me what you think.
@TarotBabe - Not until you comment on my blog entry.
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