From 5.25.10, here's the unedited transcript of my interview with legendary comic Robert Klein for the Asbury Park Press.
[Klein was promoting his show at the Prime Time Comedy Club and Theater in Sayreville NJ]
KAZ!: Robert, have you ever been been to Sayreville?
KLEIN: Probably, but I don’t know.
KAZ!: It’s kind of one of those places you pass through to go somewhere else.
KLEIN: I’ve been in Allamuchy. Have you? Allamuchy New Jersey. But what about Sayreville? You know this place? You know it as the Prime Time Comedy Club?
KAZ!: Yeah, but it used to be a porno house.
KLEIN: Really?
KAZ!: Yeah. For years and years.
KLEIN: There’s probably more DNA there than CSI Miami. So what is it? A little theater, kind of?
KAZ!: To paraphrase you, put paper on the door as you walk in.
KLEIN: I assume that the microbes are now dormant because it’s been legit for years.
KAZ!: OK, so here’s the thing Robert. I have a bunch of questions and I’d like you to give me quick little answers.
KLEIN: OK. I’ll be ahead of ya. No. No. Yeah. So that takes care of three of ‘em.
KAZ!: First of all, I’d like to say that for me, you’re right up there with the Beatles and Captain Kangaroo.
KLEIN: I think you’ve got a good point. What was Captain Kangaroo’s real name?
KAZ!: Bob Keeshan!
KLEIN: Bob Keeshan. How old are you?
KAZ!: Fifty-three.
KLEIN: Oh really? You sound much younger. Very immature. That’s a compliment when you’re fifty-three. Go ahead. Hit me with some questions.
KAZ!: I would say that you were the first Rock and Roll comic and I’ll tell you why. I used to listen to stations like WNEW-FM and in between rock songs they would play cuts from your “Child of the 50‘s” album.
KLEIN: Believe me, it was tough to persuade them to do that but they did it. When “Child of the 50’s” came out in ‘73 no one was playing comedy. A few successful comedy albums had been produced. George Carlin “AM FM” and Lilly Tomlin had one. They sort of had plateaued after the “First Family” album in ‘62 or ‘61.
But anyway, it was a real breakthrough to get them to play comedy. I did do large concerts sometimes. The biggest ones were either in a few college arenas and I did several summers at the Wollman Skating Rink at Central Park for sixty five or seven hundred thousand people. Those were great. And my hair got longer and all that, but George Carlin was in show business five years ahead of me.
Anyway I’m certainly among the first of that. In fact when I wore jeans to the Tonight Show (with Johnny Carson) I got a note from the producer telling me that Johnny wants me to wear a tie and jacket. [laughs]
KAZ!: I don’t think people realize how many films you’ve done.
KLEIN: I’ve done about forty movies actually. Not many prominent ones, but…
KAZ!: I’ve seen a couple. I saw the one with Burt Reynolds.
KLEIN: That was one of the biggest ones I ever did and one of the biggest parts. “Hooper.” That was a huge box office…it’s actually a very good movie.
KAZ!: I would say that was one of the last good Burt Reynolds movies. He kind of started to go downhill after that.
KLEIN: I guess. I really didn’t follow him…
KAZ!: And I don’t blame you, Robert.
KLEIN: Oh no. It wasn’t my fault. You know I did a commencement three years ago a Monmouth College. It’s my third honorary doctor degree. I can play doctor three times over. Fittingly, I play J-Lo’s gynecologist in the new movie “Back Up Plan.”
KAZ!: Oh really? You’re in that?
KLEIN: Yeah. I haven’t seen it. I’m waiting for DVD.
KAZ!: Wow. That had to be nice for you.
KLEIN: Yeah. It’s make believe. It’s not killing at the box office.
KAZ!: What was your most memorable couch-sharing experience on the Johnny Carson Show?
KLEIN: Well, we used to smoke in those days. I did my stand up, I did my panel, I killed ‘em. I think it was in New York then. I light up and Johnny lit up. Brings out Tony Randall. He sees the cigarette, he goes “Oh! Smoking!” He looks at me and he goes “Please don’t smoke!” I start putting it out, and Johnny’s going, oh there’s Tony Randall, he hates smoking. He starts putting it out. But [Randall] doesn’t leave well enough alone, he goes, “Lips that touch tobacco will nevah touch mine!” Don’t worry about it Tony. I had no intention of kissing you any time in the near future.
[Johnny] told me once that Jackie Gleason was a terrible drinker; he fainted after two drinks. He said he could drink him under the table, which sounded pretty stupid at the time [laughs].
I once grabbed for my water, which was in a coffee cup, a mug. It was Johnny’s. It was vodka. I gulped it, thinking it was water. I almost passed out. He didn’t always do that but he did his fair share.
I don’t know. It’s hard for me to remember stuff. There was Shari Lewis. Remember her with the puppet?
KAZ!: Yeah! Lamb Chop!
KLEIN: Lamb Chop. She was a surprising pain in the ass. I always admired her talent. I had done my turn, now she came out. The producer would always say to me, “Please. Don’t leave. You’re sitting here, if you have something,” he knew I wouldn’t hog time or anything like that, “if you have something funny to say.” So she sat down and she’s telling stories, blah blah blah, and I see an in, I shoot a line and everybody laughs, and it wasn’t insulting to her at all, it was just something on what she said. Johnny laughed to and she goes “That’s not funny!” I couldn’t believe it! “You think that’s funny?” I go, “Ladies and gentlemen! Lamb Chop is a sweat sock with buttons!” What a bitchy thing.
KAZ!: Wow. And she always came off as such a sweetheart.
KLEIN: Four foot eleven of show business dynamite.
KAZ!: What’s your favorite cake?
KLEIN: I don’t think I have a favorite cake. A good cake can get me. A good carrot cake, because it’s the illusion that it’s healthful, but it isn’t. I can’t say that I have a favorite cake. I probably do, but I don’t want to hurt any of the other cakes’ feelings. You never know when you might need a favor from a cake.
KAZ!: If you weren’t doing comedy, what do you think you’d be doing?
KLEIN: Pimp. I think I would have been a pimp, but a very kind pimp. I’d be the nicest pimp. I’d just have all these women, they work at their leisure, I’d keep ninety percent of their earnings and they’d have sex with me whenever I want. [pause] Um, I would have gone into the priesthood, I think, if I hadn’t have been Jewish.
KAZ!: I saw some previews of the HBO special, “Unfair and Unbalanced.” It looks really great.
KLEIN: It is. It’s gonna be a really excellent show. We’re working with a symphony orchestra from the University of Miami. It’s cool.
KAZ!: You’ve come a long way from that first one in 1975.
KLEIN: Yes! They’ve come a long way. There were four or five hundred thousand subscribers, now there’s forty-three million, so…
KAZ!: Incredible!
KLEIN: It’s a big jewel in the crown of Time Warner, and I think it’s entirely my doing.
KAZ!: I would have to agree, Robert.
--------- Ed Kaz
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