April 5, 2016

  • BREAKING NEWS: NEW JERSEY MALL REPORTS BOB MARLEY T-SHIRT SUPPLY AT DANGEROUSLY LOW LEVELS.

     

    Customers at a Central New Jersey Spencer's are threatening to riot after it was reported the store has only two Bob Marley t-shirts remaining in stock. “This is a for real crisis,” said assistant manager Josh Twersky. “It's like, I don’t even know who Bob Marley is…some sort of communist politician or whatever…but people constantly come in to buy these t-shirts.”

    The critical shortage was allegedly caused by an employee who ordered five dozen Mariah Careys instead of the usual Bob Marleys.

    “It was an honest mistake,” said Twersky as he nervously twiddled his pokeman lanyard. “I mean, like, the names are real similar, right?”

    Twersky is asking for calm and says Spencer's will be handing out complimentary novelty vibrating panties until the Marley supply is replenished.

     

    --- Ed Kaz