February 25, 2015
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BREAKING NEWS: ONE MANHATTAN MAN DOES NOT OWN A CANADA GOOSE WINTER JACKET
Sources confirmed last week that John Twersky of East 69th Street is the only person in
New York City who does not own a "Canada Goose" jacket.The extreme weather wear jacket with the circular Canada Goose Arctic Program logo has become a symbol of individuality on city
streets this winter, so much so that the entire smug self-satisfied population of Manhattan now owns one.Twersky, however, steadfastly refuses to join what he feels is a ridiculous trend. "I'm still wearing
a St. John's bay puffer jacket I purchased a JCPenney in 1986," said Twersky, "Was warm then,
is warm now." Twersky went on to express his distaste for actual Canada Geese. "They're vermin!
They mess up the park! They walk in front of cars!" He quickly added "This is not the symbolism I'm looking for in my
winter wear."[UPDATE: Twersky now owns a Canada Goose slim fitting Chateau Parka with the
removable coyote fur hood. "Danged if these things aren't warm and comfortable, and all of a sudden
people are noticing me in the street. Best $747 I ever spent!"Twersky then disappeared into the smug self-satisfied midtown crowd, never to be seen again.
------------ Ed Kaz
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