December 20, 2009

  • AN OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY TO PARSON BROWN

    Dear Parson Brown,

    This letter is addressed to you in the hopes of receiving your forgiveness. I have learned the hard way that sometimes a wholesome innocent activity can turn into something terribly hurtful and insulting.

    That snowman in the meadow that looks exactly like you? Well, Parson Brown, I'm the one who built it and it was all my idea.

    I am truly sorry to have hurt and angered such an important public figure as yourself, Parson Brown. It's completely inexcusable and I realize now that it has caused a lot of embarrassment to you along with Mrs. Brown and your lovely daughter. But I need you to try and understand my motivation for building that snowman. This is difficult for me to say but I feel it must be said.

    Parson Brown, your personal appearance and public behavior of late has taken a serious downturn.

    Perhaps the good folks who work in the parson's office are too fearful to inform you, but frankly, you've really packed on the pounds lately. Last year you were so slim and dashing; This year you've gotten--how can I put this--well rounded. So well rounded in fact that your torso has grown out of proportion with your underdeveloped arms. And I don't think I'm the only villager who's taken notice of your increasingly pale unhealthy complexion (There's a new tanning salon next to the blacksmith. Please accept the enclosed gift certificate).

    Also, it's no secret that you drank a wee bit too much nog at last year's church mixer. By now everyone has seen those pictures of you on The Internet sticking Oreo cookies on your eyes and pretending to smoke a carrot stick. And Parson Brown, please know that if you run around in a top hat and shriek, "Look! I'm Slash!" it will frighten the children and the elderly.

    In closing, Parson Brown, I realize that by building a snowman that resembles you I have caused much in the way of hurt and anger, but I'm also hoping you'll see this as wake up call: If you continue to neglect your health and appearance this way you are surely headed for a meltdown.

    Sincerely,
    Ed Kaz

Comments (4)

  • On the Fourth Day of Christmas my True Love sent to me....

    Four calling girls

    Three french-fries 'n hens

    Two tutting doves

    And a parson in a pear tree

  • everyone is coming out with apologies aren't they. lol

  • Merry Christmas, Mr. Kaz! Thanks for your Christmas greeting...loved it...man of many wives... - Hope you have a wonderful Christmas...I think of you often...Class of "74 -- Will it really be 36 years??? sigh...

  • Someone identified as Parson Brown was rushed to the emergency room last week, apparently suffering from a mild case of sunstroke. He was stabilized, his temperature brought under control, and doctors were optimistic that he would make a full recovery. But he was mistakenly hooked up to an IV containing saline solution and a blood thinner. The end came mercifully quick.

    Funeral details are forthcoming, but it will be a closed, water-tight casket ceremony.

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment