October 17, 2009

  • INTERVIEW WITH A DEVIL

    Recently, I was granted an exclusive interview with the Garden State's most feared and misunderstood folk legend: The Jersey Devil. He currently lives in quiet semi-retirement in a McMansion somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. We spoke one afternoon last week at the Seville Diner on Route 18 in East Brunswick, where The Devil was dining on one of his favorite dishes: blackened clam chowder.

    KAZ:  So, Jersey Devil. What's new?

    JERSEY DEVIL:  What's NEW? I was born in 1735. You tell me.

    KAZ:  What's the matter? You're sounding awfully cranky today.

    JERSEY DEVIL:  I am. I had a dinner date scheduled with The Blair Witch and she stood me up, AGAIN. I swear, ever since that movie she thinks she's all that.

    KAZ:  Speaking of The Blair Witch, there seem to be a lot more regional monsters around than there used to be. Do you feel threatened by the competition?

    JERSEY DEVIL:   There are many imitators, but they pale in comparison. I mean, how scary could the Connecticut Curmudgeon be?

    KAZ:  Valid point. Tell me, JD, what do you do for relaxation?

                                    

    JERSEY DEVIL:  I lurk, Ed.   I love lurking. Lurking is my life.

    KAZ:  That's nice. But lurking doesn't pay the rent, does it?

    JERSEY DEVIL:  Well, I'm also working at the Old Navy in the Freehold Mall.

    KAZ:  Oh! So THAT'S where you got that cool down vest!

    JERSEY DEVIL:  Yes! You like it? I find it to be very slimming.

    KAZ:  But I noticed you had to cut holes in the back for your wings.

    JERSEY DEVIL:  [sighs] Yeah, these wings are a real drag. Ever try to get into one of those new Kia Souls with wings stickin' out of your back? Even with a hatchback, it ain't easy.

    KAZ: Yeah. Plus that constant hot breath of yours must always fog up the windshield.

    JERSEY DEVIL:  OK. OK. Don't rub it in! You lookin' to get a hoof print in your forehead?

    KAZ:   Moving right along! Do you have anything special planned for Halloween weekend?

    JERSEY DEVIL:  Nothin' much. I think me and some of my pals--Big Foot, The Loch Ness Monster, and Richie Sambora--are gonna get together for a little gin rummy.

                                     ---- Ed Kaz

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